Animal Magnetism

So, I had a close call last night. I was mounting the steps to my apartment when I caught the pungent aroma of a skunk. I thought to myself "Self, you better watch out, there is a skunk nearby." I hadn't even finished this thought before...BAM...face to face with a skunk. I was only part-way up the steps, so I was eye to eye with this little cretin. He was about three feet away, so I didn't want to make any sudden movements and get him all spray-ey. Suddenly, he turns around, and I'm thinking "Goddamnit, I'm going to get a face-full of stench." Luckily, he just waddled away.

This got me to thinking about what the skunk came away from the incident thinking. Was he as relieved as I that our encounter turned out the way it did? I like to think he was as equally terrified of me as I was of him...and yes, I'll admit to being terrified of a skunk, and don't pretend you aren't the same way.

Or, was he regretful that he didn't give me a faceload of his skunk juice? Did he think, "Shit, I should have sprayed that motherfucker." If that's the case, I feel for the next person to come across that skunk. He won't hesitate, he'll just blast you like Yosemite Sam and scurry on his way.

Skunks are fairly horrid animals, but like most animals, they are incredibly fun to watch. They seem to lack confidence. They know they don't smell good, so the slink around, all hang-dog. They are very similar to Raccoons, except their smell prevents them from all the great hijinks that Raccoons get up to. That's what's great about a Raccoon. If you see one, you know he's up to something. If I were allowed to rename species, I would call Raccoons Shenanidogs.

Skunks would be putricats...see, it's a mixture of putrid and cat...

This is fun...A cow would be a Beefasaur...A Rhino would be a Hornadillo...A horse, would be a horse, because a horse is a horse is a horse, of course...

Why did those lame scientists get to name all the animals? I could have done so much better.

Y'all need to rename some animals and post them...The best name gets a...MILLION DOLLARS!!! worth of congratulations.

Keith