Video Game Rage

Hey all, I know it's been awhile. For that, I'm sorry. Hopefully this post will make up for the lack of weekliness.

The subject of this weekly Keith is something that I'm sure a large portion of you know...Video Game Rage. It's a pretty serious problem that affects about 77% of the video gaming population. What is VGR? Well, it involves a lot of cursing, some throwing of stuff, faces turning red, more cursing. VGR is the bane of video game controllers everywhere, and usually involve their destruction. I've even heard of extreme cases where players are so filled with rage that they will bite the poor controller. This is on the extreme side of VGR, and I hope I never witness such rage.

VGR is serious fucking business. It's cause? Losing at video games.

Here is an extreme example of VGR...



It's never a matter of gamer skill that causes outbursts, it's that the game is cheating. The antagonist of all gamers is "the computer". This explains things like, "The fucking computer cheated me." or, "This game is cheap...fucking computer." or, "Fuck, sonofacock, piece of shit, monkey fart, bastard computer."

I, myself, have suffered from video game rage, especially in my younger years. One story, in particular, I like to tell involves the original incarnation of the Madden football franchise. I was winning 72 - 0. You might be wondering, 'how could a successful game of Madden result in VGR?', well, VGR isn't a logical malady. Anyway, the computer scored a touchdown on a kick return. My 10 year old body couldn't handle this turn of events...so, I grabbed the Super-Nintendo controller by the cord and swung it around my head like a grappling hook, and smashed it into the wall. Yes, this was a stupid thing to do, and I knew it right away, but the result wasn't all that terrible. The only damage to the controller was that you couldn't go left. This made me unbeatable in two player games, because I would give the other player that controller and stack my defense to one side of the field...GENIUS.

Nowadays I have calmed down quite a bit in my gaming, and if I feel those familiar rage bubbles building I just quit playing. Of course, a few curse words usually slip out, but that's okay. This can sometimes result in awesome quotes...my favorite is..."Fuck this fucking skank game...I quit."

So, next time you hear someone playing a game yelling about how they are getting cheated, or questioning the sexuality of a video game, just keep in mind that they can't help it. VGR is not a choice, it's a disease...

...a really funny disease.

Keith