Hey all,
I'm a pretty squeamish person. I don't like seeing gross stuff, really. I'm fairly easily scared, and jump out of my skin almost every time my phone vibrates. If something unexpectedly touches me I often say "Ow", just in case it might hurt me. Not to say that I'm a wimp, but I kind of am. Most people are.
"What the fuck is the point to this, Weekly Keith?", you may be asking yourself. Well, the point is that despite these things, I love horror movies. I always have. I mean, I fucking love horror movies. Everything about them. I generally like even the worst of them, most of the time because they are so bad. Why is it that someone who's so jumpy and is so easily disgusted by things loves movies who's only purpose is to make you jump and disgust you?
Most respectable film critics would say that there's something wrong with me for liking these movies, like I'm a sicko, or something. Those people, however, are jerks. As evidenced here:
http://www.boston.com/ae/movies/articles/2009/02/08/the_genre_that_wouldnt_die/
Resident boston.com douchebag Ty Burr goes on an incredibly reductive rant against slasher movies and their fans. He even at one point questions our literacy. (I am a fucking awesome reader, Ty. I can read circles around your ass.) He also at one point mentions how his friends who like slasher films can only come up with "I just like it" as the only defense for their fandom. Well, first of all, Ty Burr must have really stupid friends...and B.) I highly doubt that any horror fan would be rendered stupid enough by Ty to reduce their enjoyment of slashers so greatly. What I'm really trying to say is that Ty Burr is full of shit.
But he's not alone. Roger Ebert, one of my favorite critics (cliche? who gives a rat's ass?), has famously crusaded against slashers:
...Why do they hate these movies so much? I don't like seeing gross things, I am easily scared, I don't want anyone to die. Am I really messed up for liking them? No. Fuck that...I'm never wrong.
It's precisely because I'm jumpy, squeamish, and afraid of death that I seek these movies out. They shine a light on all the fears that I have. I can confront my fears in a safe way. These movies show me my worst fears and, in a way, make me less afraid. I would even go so far as to say that the worse the film is, the better a job it does of making me not afraid in real life.
Take, for example, the Final Destination series. Here, the slasher isn't wearing a hockey mask, but is instead incredibly complicated accidents taking the lives of our teenagers. Now, accidents...that's a legitimate fear:
But it is a bit ridiculous to think that you could slip in your bathroom, and end up strangled in your shower by a detachable shower head. Despite the fact that there are a number of tragic accidental deaths, it's still highly unlikely that something like that will happen. It happens to a lot of people, but it doesn't happen to a whole hell of a lot more.
It's the same principle with all other horror movies. People like to confront the things that live in the deep dark recesses of their mind, and come out safe and sound on the other end. These movies scare you, make you jump, make you puke, but in the end they show you just how ridiculous some of your fears are. I'm never going to be murdered by a large dude in a hockey mask...I may have just jinxed myself.
Another reason, is that people like to be scared. There is a thrill to seeing something that you are terrified of, and no one getting hurt. There's a reason why most people react with laughter after being startled. "OH SHIT...you scared me...but I'm OK. HAHAHAHAHA." That's a regular thing for me...and you know what? I have a fuck-ton of fun. I think it's hilarious when something startles me.
I'm not discounting the fact that there are some sick people out there, who get off on seeing gore and mayhem. But, really they're easily spotted. They're usually tall red-headed dudes with massive beards...if you see anyone that looks like this, run away...call the police. It's best to err on the side of caution in these cases.
Anyway, I'm sure I could have made a better argument...but, whatever. Nobody reads this stupid blog anyway...so really, I can say whatever stupid shit crosses my mind. Man, I fucking love curse words.
Keith
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7 comments:
I think something is wrong with me, because that commercial makes me laugh...
I'm going to suggest the same horror movie that I suggested to Nate. Rock N Roll Nightmare. It very well could change your life. Someday I'm going to cut a trailer for it and put it on Youtube, and then get sued for copyright infringement.
No, Paul. Nothing is wrong with you. That commercial is hilarious.
Keith,
Could you take my butcher knife out of the sink and put it next to my overalls and Jimmy Carter mask??? I've got big plans tonight. Thanks.
Nate
It is I Leyla. I also love horror although I've noticed in the past years I've gotten much wimpier when watching it. I'm in JB horror class this semester and holy crap pants Jesus he made us watch a movie last Friday that's still making me lie awake in bed at night making mental lists of all the things I can use as weapons just in case someone tries to kill me.
It was a French movie and it was the goriest, most violent slasher flick and the person being terrorized was a very cute, and painfully pregnant, girl. Yes, a pregnant girl. That's how low the French are. And she takes a beating as well as getting stabbed and impaled multiple times with giant scissors. It's called A L'Interieur or Inside if you're interested. I'm not kidding. I LIKE gore. I revel in gore. This is downright gore overload and I went home and literally crawled in my bed, closed the door, and didn't come out till Sunday.
Inside is intensely brutal. I didn't think the film was that bad as a film until the ending. I didn't feel like it earned that depressing of an ending. Dear lord. It definitely pushed the comfort level to 11 (being the bad end of the stick).
Ok Keith, you opened the door. I have been waiting to share this story and this is the opportunity. (may there be many more when you are rich and famous) Horror is engrained into you from an early age. You were weaned on horror. Here's my story of my sweet little nephew Keith; one of my first memories of him after becoming his aunt. I stayed all night at their house on a Saturday night and we stayed up late watching movies. When I got out of bed Sunday morning and walked into the living room, there was my 3 year old nephew, Keith, with a butter knife in his hand and Jimmy down on his knees screaming while Keith pretended to stab him in the mouth! Yes, we had watched "Psycho" the night before. That's right, Keith was allowed to watch that stuff at the age of 3 and he was already into acting out scenes and drawing some pretty disturbing pictures. Now you all have a greater understanding of how Keith got the way he is now. We are just so proud that (so far as we know) he has channeled his psychotic tendencies into a useful purpose instead of being a serial killer or such. That seriously was a fear of mine as Keith was growing up. Aunt Dawn loves you Keiffer.
Well, Dawn, you don't know what I get up to...MWAHAHAHAHA!!! But seriously, you surely know that I'm entirely to lazy to be truly psychotic...and I cried when a frog peed on me that one time. I simply don't have the tools to do any real damage. But if I were a psycho, I'd be like Dexter, and only take out bad guys.
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