The Greatest Movies of all time Part 2 (of a whole bunch)

Hey all, I've decided I can't wait, seeing as the last one was so much fun...although it didn't garner much of a response, jerk-faces...I didn't mean that. Come back. I'll be nice. I promise.

Anyway, this The Weekly Keith is going to be dedicated to two movies that are very close to my heart. Both star The Governator, Arnold Schwarzenegger AKA the most awesome dude ever...EVER. Who else can be in movies where he kills an average of 314 people (do the math) and still warm people's hearts? Someone tell me, cause I'm dying to know. They also feature the super-hot Linda Hamilton. Can you guess? C'mon, don't be shy...guess.
OK, you're stumped..."I'll be back." "Hasta La Vista, Baby." Ringing any bells.

It's THE TERMINATOR...yeah, fuckin' A!!!!

Ok, so I'll admit it. I saw T2 before I saw The Terminator, and I was underwhelmed. There was no liquid metal man. Linda Hamilton wasn't as awesome (more on that when I talk about T2).
I just didn't think it was as cool. But I was a kid. Let me off the fricking hook.
After many subsequent viewings, most recently on BluRay (as a side note, this movie on BluRay warrants upgrading), and I must say, not only does this movie rock, this movie FUCKING ROCKS!!!!!!! Count 'em. 7 exclamation points. What was I thinking as a kid? The chase scenes, the special effects...Michael f'ing Biehn. Arnold is so fricking scary. Come to think of it, that may be one of the reasons why I was lukewarm to this movie as a kid. I was introduced to the T-800 as a loveable pet cyborg. He didn't kill people...he was a good guy. Well, not in this movie. He is exactly what his name implies. He's a terminator. He terminates, that's all he does. The only thing he does is kill people. He doesn't eat, or sleep, or ponder. No...He just kills. When he's thinking, he's thinking "what can I do to do the maximum amount of damage in this situation?" Well, this famous scene demonstrates that perfectly



Linda Hamilton in this movie, she's fricking adorable. Seriously, she's got no chance against this killer cyborg. Granted, she'll become a super-badass, but at the beginning of this movie it seems like a lost cause. She's gonna teach the future savior of mankind how to defeat our machine overlords? Doubtful, you better get used to being a slave, man. But, along comes Michael Biehn, this dude should be in every movie ever made. He's not as cool as Kurt Russell, but he's got the same kind of awesome that Kurt does. He's gonna shape Sarah Connor into a badass, cold-blooded killer.

Then...the final sequence. A motorcycle, car chase: check. A semi-truck chasing a smaller truck ending in an explosion: check. Pipe Bombs: check. The Terminator losing all his fake skin, and chasing the people around as a metal skeleton thing: FUCKING CHECK AND MATE.

I really could sum up my feelings for this movie with "AAAAAHHHHHHH!!!! THE FUCKING TERMINATOR IS FUCKING AWESOME!!!!!!!!!"

Which brings me to....

TERMINATOR 2: JUDGMENT DAY

I'm going to try to remain calm, but it's taking everything I have to not write this entire review in all-caps. I'm also worried I might have a stroke or something if I get too excited. I love this movie. I've seen it over 25 times (no I'm not kidding). Just thinking about the openning credits...the music...Sarah Connor's voice-over...The Aerial HK's, and the tanks...and the tracking shot that ends with a close-up of John Connor. Oh, man. I kind of want to watch it right now.

I'm the person that isn't satisfied with the theatrical cut of this movie. I want as much of this movie as I can get. I want as much of this mythology as I can get, as much of the world. I want to see the Terminator try and smile. I want to see Sarah nearly smash his CPU. I want all of that. I wish this movie lasted 9 hours. Actually, I wish it never ended, and I could come home and watch some new part each day.

Now, the first thing I need to talk about in this movie...Linda fucking Hamilton. What a performance. How did she go from the chick in Beauty and the Beast to this badass. Seriously...She is terrifying. She actually turns herself into a terminator. The scene when she escapes...cracking that smug prick silbermann with the night stick. "You broke my arm." To which she replies "There's 215 bones in the human body...That's one". That's right, you jerk, she'll break every bone IN YOUR FUCKING BODY. Man, it's saying something about a movie that has Arnold Schwarzenegger, Robert Patrick, and a whole bunch of shit blowing up, and she's the most badass part of it. Fuck you, Academy, for not giving her an oscar.

Of course, I would be remiss if I didn't point out one major flaw of this movie...Edward Furlong. What a fucking dweeb. I mean, he does a good enough job, and I've seen this movie so many times that I can't picture anyone else in the role...but he's just kind of a bad actor. But hey, he's a kid. I'll give it a pass.

The action sequences in this movie...H-O-L-Y S-H-I-T. I still have not seen a movie with chase scenes, or shoot-outs as good as this. Yes, that includes The Dark Knight. What separates these from others? It all boils down to how inventive they are. We've all seen the shootouts in The Matrix...those are easy, just shoot until everyone is dead. But in this, The Terminator has been ordered not to kill. So, he finds different ways to not kill people. Leg shots ("He'll Live"), tear gas, simply blowing shit up so they run away...This is creative action film-making. And, just like in the first movie, the final chase sequence. First, I'll chase you with a helicopter while you drive a Swat vehicle, and when we're done with that, I'll chase you with a fricking Semi full of Liquid Nitrogen, while your in an apple orchard truck. Then we'll finish this little game up in a steel mill. Yeah, that's right.

I feel like I'm forgetting something...Oh, yeah. An even scarier terminator, made out of LIQUID FUCKING METAL. He's a stabbing robot, who runs really fast. Man, Robert Patrick just doesn't emote...at all. While generally that's a bad thing for a performance, here...How in the world does he never change his facial expression. I mean, stuff is blowing up all around him. Guns going off, and he never blinks. Awesome.



Seriously, I love these fan trailers. I feel this one gets across my point of how awesome this movie is.

...except for the thumbs up at the end. You all know what I'm talking about. I hate the thumbs up. His circuits would be fried at that point, and he would not be able to send the message to his thumb to go up. It's just ludicrous in a movie that is so realistic that this would happen...

I think the series ends with this one. Terminator 3 and the new one are like spin-offs. While they may be good, even awesome (I'm hoping that Salvation kicks ass, so you know), I don't think they count. I'm just saying, is all.

Anyway, until next time.

Keith